So I bought a baduk-pan (or giban… basically a baduk board) and a set of biconvex stones today. Yes, that is how serious I am getting about this, I went out of my way to buy a Korean produced board and stones in South Africa; mind you, you pretty much can’t get that in any shop here, I had to buy it through the SA Go Association – which, after my undercover mission succeeds, will be renamed the SA Baduk Association.
I decided thus, at the weekly Cape Town Go Club meet, to have an epic loss on my new board to baptise it; which I did by losing by more than 50 points. By the endgame, I ran out of stones ’cause my opponent had captured so many; when scoring, there wasn’t a single point left on the board for black, while he still had prisoners left. Epic, as in the worst defeat I’ve had since I started playing there. Interestingly, when reviewing it, it seemed that I actually did progress; though I had fared better against the same opponent, with the same handicap, a few weeks earlier. As I get more proactive, and less defensive, there are more risks; my groups got annihilated, ripped apart, shredded. I’ve been assured that this is part of the process of learning, and that when I learn to balance my proactive (read aggressive) play with more whole-board strategic thinking and defense, I’d actually improve.
Though I do want to mention that I managed to keep my corner alive! Okay, I might have pretty much lost the rest of the board, and the little territory in the corner that I had was gone when captures were filled in during scoring, but I kept it alive!
I’ve also put in my membership at the SA Go Association, since I am getting quote-serious-unquote about this. However, a new dilemma has presented itself (as it usually does in my life); when I started playing, thinking it just to be an occasional thing, I didn’t really care about how the others perceived me; Now, however, that has changed since it has become a regular part of my life. The reason why this matters is because being transgender (yes, I’m transgender, blablabla, get over it) means that how they perceive me is not as the girl I am… Not sure when to breach this topic, though I know I’ll have to at some point… Kinda like baduk actually: when do we play where? Timing can be everything…